Level 5 Pissed

I love the philosophy of Chad "Esteban" OchoCinco. If I could get into that guy's head for a day I think I would die of happiness. He comes across as an ignorant self-centered idiot, but I secretly think he's smarter than all of us and we just don't realize it.

He eats McDonald's for every meal and argues that the movie Supersize me isn't "real" because it's a movie and it has special effects.

He gets girls' phone numbers by telling them he lost his cell phone and needs to use theirs' because it's an emergency. He then calls himself so he has their number, and then calls them the next day to spit game.

He trademarked the phrase "Child Please" on last season's HBO special Hard Knocks and "it's basically like telling someone fuck you." A ref even said it to OchoCinco in a preaseason game!

Then we all remember Chad's "Kiss the Baby" - which is the equivalent to a fat lady singing. The show's over so you might as well Kiss the Baby.

Well now it looks like Esteban (the self-proclaimed "most interesting footballer in the world") has come up with a new Trademark -- the Levels of Pisstivity.

Via his Twitter account, he let us know yesterday that he was level 5 pissed, now that the off season has started and he has nothing to do:

(7:41am) f the offseason, this is some bull droppings, i am supposed to be in meetings right now, im level 5 pissed=finding out side girl is pregnant

....And apparently some idiot Twitterers didn't understand Ocho's "Levels" because they seemed to actually be concerned that he got a side girl pregnant. Ocho becomes noticeably aggitated....

(7:57am) @bettiebaddazz-no no, nobody is pregnant just telling how mad i am, read my tweets careful

(8:00am) being level 5 pissed is like finding out your girl is cheating with your best friend, people yall dont understand my pisstivities yet! 1-5

....getting even more frustrated....

(8:11am) @runnerrouse-what are you talking about? are u blond because i never said i was sleeping with an individual, i made a pisstivity comment

(8:15am) some folks are so slow thinking someone is pregnant, geesh im using examples to show my level of pisstivity!!!!!

(8:18am) @pujolsmvpx3 you shut up retard

....the next day....

(7:01am) I am enrolling at FAMU for a semester, im filling out a loan application right now, if they deny me ill be level 2 pisstified!!!

(8:31am) My level of pisstification has exceeded my 5 levels of pisstivity at this point which I've now chosen to call my anger NUKE mad<-COD (....Call of Duty reference....)

So anyway, we know what level 2 and level 5 are, but naturally my coworker and I took it upon ourselves to fill in the rest of the levels. So, without further ado, here are The Levels Of Pisstivity (TM Chad Johnson):

1 - You walk into a bar with 5 friends your age and you are the only person ID'd. You get take-out, get home, and realize it's someone else's shitty order.
2 - You get denied a need-based student loan because you are an NFL starting Wide Reciever and you make $4.87 Million per year.
3 - You lose a significant amount of money to the house in Vegas.
4 - You get laid off. You get a DUI.
5 - Your side chick is knocked up. Your girlfriend is creepin on you with your best homie.

Well there you have it. Another genius way of putting things by, in my opinion, one of the most fascinating people of our time. I know I'm going to reference this scale in conversation [and nobody will know what I'm talking about - their loss] and I suggest you do too. Now kiss da baby.